What four months in Tokyo does to a mf
This is a long one! The post has taken a while to finish up mainly due to my talents procrastinating but most all of this was written within a few weeks of returning home so the thoughts you'll read are still quite fresh. Enjoy!
One of my favourite pictures I took over my entire time in Japan, taken the evening after my final exam
For those unaware, from late March to early August I was living in Tokyo as an exchange student, studying Japanese language & culture at a local university. I got back to Australia not too long ago but now that I'm settled again I've been reflecting more & more on my time abroad and for as much as I wanted to write this post on the plane to Sydney - or right after getting home - perhaps some long-term rumination is good for gathering my thoughts.
It likely goes without saying that this program was the most unique, exciting and fulfilling experience of my life. Having the opportunity to immerse fully into my area of study for such a length of time was amazing for my learning, becoming mates with locals & other exchange students was a delight, and it was such a dream getting to see so many things that teenage me would've squealed about (and present me!).
Self-discovery was definitely a big part of my time abroad as well, and to summarise what was an exhilirating & eye-opening four months abroad I'd say there were three things about myself that I realised more than ever while abroad: my confidence, my passions, and - likely most importantly - my limits.
Starting with the confidence I nearly forgot I had: obviously it takes a fair bit of guts to pack your life into two suitcases and whisk away to a different country for a third of the year. Tokyo is about as different as you could get from my rural Australian hometown, and despite my typically bright-eyed demeanour I'm not an immediately extroverted person - so for as much as the idea of studying abroad excited me I was also very nervous about how I would fare.
But I really had nothing to worry about! One of the things that was most rewarding about my experience was the tangible proof that my language ability was much better than I realised; engaging with Japanese exclusively within a tertiary setting makes it hard to gauge how advanced I actually am, but being able to read & understand so much in Japanese (watching anime, TV and theatre without subtitles is a new favourite habit of mine) squashed any doubt that I was "falling behind" or "below average" within my bracket of students & learners. My friends & family who visited while I was there were so impressed by my skill & excited to hear me speaking the language in a natural environment, and though it may be ego that felt especially gratifying too.
Second of all, my passions... meaning what exactly? It's probably no surprise that I am a passionate person by default and very loud about my interests and tastes - at least with friends. While I didn't discover too many new things to fall in love with while abroad, what I found was that being in Tokyo took the things I loved and increased that love in spades.
This is probably the thing I miss the most about being there; in the same way your home country likely flaunts their favourite IPs - Bluey in Australia for a local & recent example - Japan is clearly very proud of how international their products have become and boast them at every corner, especially in a cultural centre such as Tokyo. I would see Chiikawa-themed items at a 7-Eleven or a giant statue of Ado supporting her World Cup team, and even took part in a Pokémon stamp rally in my last month alongside so many eager families and fans. The abundance of these things I already cared about made me much more confident to show my love as well (I am now the proud owner of a Nemona ita bag that has not left my side since I bought it), and the expression of self I saw & felt in Tokyo was quite different to how people express themselves in Australia.
Swablu accompanied me to Poképark KANTO and it was a real highlight of the four months
All this to say - I think I've reached a point where I sort of don't give a shit anymore about if people think I'm odd for putting stickers on my water bottle or keychains on my bag, because I've learned the confidence to show what I love and can hopefully inspire that in others at home as well.
And thirdly - possibly most importantly - my limits. I had some assumptions and apprehensions about living abroad for a while before I left, but between life and intensive studies I felt myself humbled in ways I wasn't expecting. It was absolutely not a flawless, perfect-every-day experience but I think that's ultimately a good thing; I was living there, not on holiday, so having those worser days was to be expected - and strange as it sounds, comforting in a way to be bogged down by the same sorts of things I would be at home.
The biggest place where I felt myself weighed down was in my study load: to match my workload at my home university I was essentially taking twice as many subjects as I would normally be, and although a similar total of hours, the larger breadth of content was a lot more overwhelming. My language courses, especially, were so much to keep on top of, and in hindsight I may have picked a level a touch too high (but they were very informative and worthwhile classes nonetheless!). For one particular class that had a ton of prep work, I often dreaded the day and walked into the class incredibly anxious, and on some particularly low days I managed to justify leaving early or not going at all.
But despite these feelings of pressure I don't really want to say I regret not doing anything; there are definitely things I wish I had (or made) the time for, but for 90% of those experiences I can always come back. The things I got to do as a student and took advantage of as a resident, however, were so incredible that asking for more seems pointless. As much as I would've loved to go out with dormmates a few more times, or support the uni's baseball team at their biggest game of the year, what I was able to do was remarkable regardless.
Nerves and anxieties definitely got in the way on most accounts but I am so proud of every single time I pushed through them. From simply buying my snacks at the local supermarket to going to a collab café where absolutely nobody was holding my hand, those moments where I had no choice but to face the music were the ones that really fostered a memorable experience abroad.
Said collab café: I was not treated to a word of English from the second I stepped inside this Gnosia café but it was a little exciting to be treated the same as everyone else
I don't like to use the term "once in a lifetime" lightly, but I'd be hard pressed to have an opportunity like this again - at least under such unique circumstances. I'm so grateful to my university here in Australia for offering this chance to students, and of course to my host university in Tokyo for being so providing and helpful throughout the entire process.
If I ever got a similar chance I'd love to go back again (be it for more study or a work opportunity) though I think the lifestyle would be a lot harder as a working adult than an unemployed student, especially with the difficulties that come with living there as a foreigner. In any case, I would love to visit personally again in the future to visit friends again, see some of the sights I missed out on and explore the rest of the country after being in one city for so long.
And finalising this post in October, over two months since my return, I find myself reflecting & missing it more and more. I'll never take it for granted and I hope someday I can inspire & encourage others to go on journeys of their own!